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Your Fashion Week Hangover: I need to lie down

14 Feb

The problem with fashion week is that you can’t just be like “oh. I’ll catch up on this later” because then when you check back its developed into this hideous beast sitting in your backyard eating all your plants and then you’re hungry and angry and overwhelmed with JEWEL TONES.

Which brings me to my first point: jewel toned satins are to fall what florals are to spring: obvious. I get it, designers but I feel like you’re beating me over the head with this static-inducing look. Continue reading

Top Ten Fashion Trends from 2010 that need to DIE in the coming year:

31 Dec

10. dress shorts: they’re great in concept but come on. at the end of the day? they’re shorts and they are not to be worn from season to season

9. open toed shoes: why is this still a thing? are we serious? do you people not live in places that get cold? or any sort of precipitation? stop it. for the sake of your little piggies.
8. open toed BOOTS:  stop this. immediately. you know exactly why.

7. wayfarer sunglasses: are we done with this yet? a trend officially dies when you see 4th graders rocking them, right?
6. silly bands: while we’re on the subject of 4th graders, adults need to stop wearing these things, am I right? is no one else bothered by how messy they look? I want to straighten them out when I see them on people’s arms. also? you’re an adult. that’s enough.
5. people trying to dress up like mad men characters in everyday life: listen, i am all for dressing up and getting fancy and stuff? but its exhausting doing it every day. and you’re making everyone else look bad. throw on a jersey shift dress and move along.
4. over the knee boots: unless you are going to a costume party dressed as a 16th century seafaring explorer or as Julia Roberts in pretty woman, this is an INAPPROPRIATE shoe choice.
3. I’ve called for the end of bows for years now and I will keep on doing so until grown ass women stop wearing them like their 6 year olds on easter sunday.
2. YSL tribute pumps and any knock off variation thereof: has everyone given these mad overpriced stripper shoes a try yet? is everyone sufficiently pleased with themselves for skanking it up in $300 shoes that you can buy at la la shoes in hollywood for $25? did everyone feel super sexy for a second for pretending to be a stripper with cloven hooves for feet? ok then. can we bury these ugly things already? shame on you YSL.
1. snuggies: at first I was like ‘you’re kidding me america’ but it turns out america was not kidding but I laughed anyway. it’s a blanket with SLEEVES for the love of christ. I didn’t think it would stick around for long outside of stoner culture. but then there were snuggie pub crawls and people started wearing them to work. enough is enough. learn how to layer or something. DONT BE WEARING THAT SHIT IN PUBLIC. YOU ARE MAKING THE HUMAN RACE LOOK TERRIBLE.
peace on earth, goodwill to men and no more snuggies as professional attire in 2011.

Can you keep a secret?

9 Nov

It’s no surprise that I’m deeply crazy about lingerie. Can you blame me? It’s so pretty and silky! So secretive and sexy! You get it? Even if you don’t, the women behind Journelle, one of New York’s best lingerie stores, totally do.

In fact, they get me SO MUCH that they are starting a super secret website called Confidentielle that gives you insane weekly deals so that keeping your lingerie drawer stocked with #1 brands doesn’t break the bank. Can you believe it? It’s pretty much exactly like any revolution that ever happened ever (no it isn’t), except no one had to die for it! And this is seriously BREAKING NEWS, like hot off the presses, because Man-Size loves you so much that we don’t hesitate in dropping news like it’s hot. So why not get on it ASAP? Ladies, sign up! Dudes too because you can’t go wrong getting something from Journelle for your girl. Like, seriously, your original plan to try and give her Frederick’s or Victoria’s was gonna get you laughed out of the damn house, so it’s really for the best. This is a win-win situation in the making, so sign the hell up. But remember, you didn’t hear it from me.

Join the underground at Confidentielle. Reductions on Fleur of England start this week.

Pimpin’ ain’t easy: Design Glut

23 Oct

There’s just something that really blows my mind grapes about creative jewelry. Really cheeky brands like Tatty Devine and White Trash Charms (R.I.P.) have always been irresistible to me, and investing in their wares has gotten me a lot of compliments. And it makes sense– any asshole can buy a screenprinted shirt, but it takes chutzpah to get a necklace that has, like, a keyboard cat with a Flock of Seagulls haircut on it– right? Right?

Design Glut has been one of those really awesome brands making smart, funny stuff under the radar for years. With a resume of socially-savvy stuff like gun-shaped cigarette holders and oil barrel necklaces, they’re like White Trash Charms for the politically aware. However, the aforementioned White Trash Charms’ recent death is proof that even creativity and tons of press aren’t enough to keep a business going. This is where you come in.

With Kickstarter’s help, Design Glut is trying to raise $10,000 to get their jewelry collection off the ground, and for those willing to help, they’ve got some insane rewards. Just $5 will you get you their trademark “Awkward Moment” card with a hand-written awkward moment that is all your own, while $15 will get you into a web seminar where they’ll give you business advice (not to mention the card). From there, the prizes really just get more and more awesome: from $30+, you can get some seriously insane necklaces that I promise no one else is going to have. The coolest after the jump: Continue reading

Courtney Love is a kook

29 Sep

Oh man you guys. Do I even have to say anything about Michael Mouris’ short film “Dark Night of the Soul”? It’s hilarious, awesome, Courtney Love plays herself? Karl Lagerfeld and Michael Stipe make “cameos”? Oh God, it’s so good. Please just go watch it at WWD because I have work to do and I’m only posting here to show how dedicated I am to bringing you news and stuff.


Fashion Week Hangover: Part Three

16 Sep

This is going to be short because I am a little overwhelmed right now by all that happened in the last two days of fashion week. For right now let me give you some quick thoughts on my faves. Above is Mulberry which I was ready to let fly under my radar until Karen from “WhereDidUGetThat” started tweeting about being at the show. I’m of the school that if Karen is interested in something, there’s a pretty good chance its dope as hell. And in this case it WAS. Rainbow rabbit prints, a-line belted trenches, crazy colored BAGS, high-waisted pleated pants that I could never wear but look so amazing on the skinnies out there and that electric blue jumpsuit all made me quiver just a little bit.

Then there was Alice + Olivia. Oh man was this collection ALL OVER THE PLACE. But in the best way possible: some feathers here, some feathers there, a little bit of 70s bordello, a little bit of 90s club kid, a dash of Japanese street wear circa 1996 and a hint of Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver. The whole thing was magical and confusing and really needs to be seen in its entirety to be believed.

And then there was Rodarte. Ah, the Mulleavy sisters must feel pretty good about themselves right now,huh? No one can conceal their web boners for anything those two do. Again, rightfully so. This collection, while completely unwearable, is brilliant. Its perPLEXING and yet some strange part of me totally gets it. I don’t know. There’s something vaguely familiar about it. Maybe it’s that the shoes and some of the patterns remind me of all the Delftware my parents collected when I was growing up. Maybe it’s that they incorporated so many different types of heavy conflicting deep 1970s patterns and materials. Maybe it’s that I just like blue and gold a TON. I think that at the end of the day the brilliance of this collection lies in the fact that it’s not wearable stuff…its INSPIRING stuff…CONCEPTUAL stuff…the type of clothes that make you think about where they’re coming from and what they mean to you.

Your Fashion Week Hangover: Part 2

14 Sep

I am not going to lie to you folks: I have been a little underwhelmed by what’s been shown so far this year at fashion week. A lot of it seems messy and hastily thrown together. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like messy and hastily thrown together. I AM messy and hastily thrown together on the daily. But I am not showing at New York fashion week.  I am not being paid to provide fashions to the rich folks. And everything that I have seen so far has either been very white washed and neutral or the work of a cracked out hippie circa 1989.  And as much as I can abide by those things? I was hungry for more.

And then there was Marc Jacobs. Oh Marc. I was in love with your work back in 2005. It was perfect for me at that time. The bright colors. The big buttons. The bold prints. But you kept on doing the same thing over. And over. And over. At some point I fell asleep and gave up on you ever showing up to the game again and designing for anything but adolescents. We were going our separate fashion ways. It was sad but necessary.

Until tonight. Oh Marc. You’re BACK! You’re back and YSL-ing it UP!! Oh happy day! Big Hair! Big Hats! Wide Leg Pants! Nip Slips! Sheer Fabrics! VOLUME VOLUME VOLUME! HUGE flowers! HUGER belts! Apparently Marc’s  inspiration was the 70s with a dash of 30s flapper (read: YSL at its best). But to me? It smacked of Grace Coddington….the hair was all Grace and the clothes and the colors and the movement and the shapes screamed “PUT ME IN AN EDITORIAL GRACE!! PUT ME IN FRONT OF A FAN AND SHOOT ME FOR VOGUE!” and I have a feeling we’ll all be seeing A LOT of the concepts Marc showed us in this collection this spring….the old school, Missoni style stripes, the ALMOST tacky 70s prints and the brilliantly juxtaposed bold, rich colors on sheer fabrics.

Finally! Something to look forward to for next spring.