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The Dark Art of Spin Pins

10 Sep

My hair is getting extremely long and unmanageable in such a way that, because I haven’t had it this long since I was a toddler, I no longer know what to do with it.  So I have been trying to find ways to put it up [read: to not deal with it], but still have it look office-ready.  The only problem with putting my hair up is, half the time I do try to updo my hair, I always come out looking like I just escaped from an FLDS compound.

But Goody has come to my rescue!  They’ve recently released a product called Spin Pins and they’ve not only convinced me that they are magical, but they have singlehandedly convinced me that Voldemort isn’t actually dead, he’s just using his black magic for Goody Hair Styling Accessories.

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Hand Jobs; Or: how leopards are the best animal ever

5 Sep

Hand Jobs is a section of Man-Size wherein we show you how to do bomb nails all by yourself. Because special, important spirits don’t have time to sit in a salon and you can buy like, an entire pizza for the price of a manicure.

Here is a dope passage I came across in my extensive research (Wikipedia) re: leopards:

“The species’ success in the wild is in part due to its opportunistic hunting behavior, its adaptability to habitats, its ability to run at speeds approaching 58 kilometres per hour (36 mph), its unequaled ability to climb trees even when carrying a heavy carcass, and its notorious ability for stealth.”

Check that shit out. Leopards are the fucking tops y’all. I want to go back to first grade when all those kids said they wanted to be astronauts and racecar drivers and other foolishness, and laugh in their faces. Fuck being a doctor; I want to be a leopard when I grow up!

In honor of the most majestic, beautiful, and special spirit the Animal Kingdom has to offer, we here at Man-Size are going to show you how to do the kind of nails leopards would have if they had access to nail polish and opposable thumbs.

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