TV Round Table: Skins (US), “Tea”

25 Jan

Sometimes, a recap on its own just doesn’t feel like enough. For those times when everyone wants a word, the Man-Size get together to duke it out via instant messenger. This is the TV Round Table, and in our inaugural edition, Sarah catches Erika during the west coast airing of the second episode of MTV’s hotly debated adaptation of the British teen drama Skins.

Sarah: So, tell me your thoughts.

Erika: well i just tuned in. i’m at the moment where cadie (katy? cady heron?) agrees to say she’s banging sid

Erika: OK

Erika: SO

Erika: at this point drug dealer who dresses like the principal in breakfast club is coming to get sid

Sarah: I DID NOT MAKE THAT CONNECTION!

Erika: it’s the most acting i’ve ever seen sid do, so that’s a change

Erika: notice i did not say pleasant

Sarah: Or “Stan”

Erika: oh right

Erika: fake sid

Sarah: Fake is always a good precursor to any of these names.

Erika: especially fake maxxie!

Sarah: YES

Erika: i haven’t had the displeasure of seeing her storyline develop yet in this episode

Sarah: Well it starts out with her passing a note to some chick and it just says “NORTHERN SOUL”

Sarah: I don’t know what it’s supposed to accomplish

Erika: so hipster

Sarah: I KNOW!

Sarah: MUSICAL GENRE!

Erika: i’m surprised she didn’t draw a triangle on it

Erika: then take a picture of it in instagram

Erika: ALSO

Erika: non-sequitor: can we talk about ‘the roommate’?

Sarah: Sure.

Erika: black swan: college edition?

Sarah: YES

Erika: it looks ridiculous

Sarah: SO GOOD, YOU MEAN

Erika: is it supposed to make people scared of college like jaws made people scared of the beach?

Sarah: In its ridiculousness

Sarah: I don’t know.

Erika: razzie material, for sure

Erika: oh wait skins is back on

Sarah: Aight!

Erika: fake michelle is dressed like a mardi gras jester

Erika: the costume designer should be fired without severance

Sarah: They didn’t have me at hello so I don’t even pay attention to the clothes.

Sarah: “What?” –everyone, re: what I just said

Erika: ha, i’m watching fake maxxie tell of the girl who looks a lot like her

Sarah: But more ethnic.

Erika: ‘you don’t match up to me because you most closely resemble me.’ – fake lez

Sarah: They did it.

Sarah: ON HER STAIRS

Sarah: AT HER HOUSE

Erika: GROSS

Sarah: Well, at least at first

Erika: PEOPLE WALK ON THOSE THINGS!

Sarah: And then fake Jal took them to school

Erika: then a blonde girl’s water breaks? and someone says the phrase ‘vagina wall?’

Sarah: I KNOW

Sarah: SHOCK VALUE!

Erika: ‘i’m embarrassed of this’ – everyone watching this scene

Sarah: Very unnecessary.

Erika: OMG WELCOME TO THE AUDREY HEPBURN POSTER EVERY GIRL 18-22 OWNED AT SOME POINT

Sarah: I KNOW

Sarah: I KNOW

Erika: very original, MTV. pats on the back all around

Sarah: THE QUINTESSENTIAL SORORITY GIRL POSTER

Erika: OK SHE IS MASTURBATING AND HER NANA’S ALL LIKE, COOL, LET ME HANG OUT WHILE YOU DO THAT, NOTHING WEIRD ABOUT THIS

Erika: YOU GET THAT COOKIE RECIPE I SENT YOU?

Sarah: NBD

Erika: SHRUG LIFE

Sarah: That happens to be my epitaph.

Sarah: Actually, no, that would be sad, don’t follow me on that.

Erika: OMG

Erika: is it too much to ask for someone to be interesting?

Erika: clearlyo

Sarah: I KNOW

Erika: WE ASK IT OF YOU AND LOOK WHERE THAT’S GOTTEN US

Sarah: So snobby

Sarah: First world problems

Erika: there is only one leighton meister and i’m pretty sure she’s better than you

Sarah: I don’t even know what that means exactly but yeah!

Sarah: Right on!

Erika: i mean, she plays the hipper than thou bitch on gossip girl and she does it waaaay better than this degrassi reject

Sarah: Yessss. That’s what I figured you meant.

Erika: also, have we not figured out my life as liz is fake?

Erika: why are we still doing that

Sarah: I don’t know.

Sarah: I don’t care.

Sarah: I’m still convinced she and the chick from Paramore are the same person.

Erika: YES

Erika: EXACTLY

Erika: ok skins is back on

Erika: meanwhile, somewhere in little italy, canada…

Sarah: Italian AND Jewish!

Sarah: What a mix!

Erika: so unlikely in BALTIMORE, OF ALL PLACES

Sarah: I have been in Baltimore for like one hour

Sarah: AND THIS IS NOT WHAT I SAW!

Erika: what is the goodfellas sub-plot?!

Sarah: I…

Sarah: I just…

Sarah: I don’t even.

Sarah: All I can say is that the Italian community must really love and accept this show

Sarah: for its dismissal of the ethnic stereotypes pervading its culture.

Erika: we’re really proud of this and the jersey shore and their depiction of our culture – all italian people

Sarah: MTV really gets us as a people.

Erika: let’s smoke on a spinny thing while being shot in really awkward framing to a mgmt song! that’s a good idea!

Erika: GREAT SCENE – TV academy

Sarah: IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY!

Sarah:WHERE PEOPLE COULD SEE!

Erika:you really don’t give a shit do you? – fake tony, in re: to fake maxxie’s acting and demeanor

Sarah: WHAT’S YOUR MOTIVATION??

Sarah: “Don’t care.”

Erika: YOU’RE LETHARGIC AND 70% ALCOHOL. YOU MIGHT HAVE A SLURRING IMPEDIMENT. GO.

Erika: ‘i see that you’ve given up on this role. try harder, get better’ – don draper of MTV

Sarah: Don Draper jumped out of the window at MTV, that’s where the Mad Men intro comes from

Erika: believeable

Erika: this is terrible

Erika: i could stand in front of forever 21 if i wanted this kind of banter

Sarah: I didn’t think it was terrible.

Sarah: Even if I HATE lil Dan Humphrey

Erika: i just think it’s SO BORING

Sarah: IT IS

Sarah: Every time I see fake Tony all I can think is WIPE THAT FACE OFF YOUR HEAD

Erika: OMG RIGHT

Erika: i am 40 min into this episode and i can’t tell you a single point of interest that has happened so far

Sarah: Most certainly very relatable though!

Sarah: –Tumblr

Erika: ‘i’m gonna post lots of .gifs and screencaps of this on my blog!’ – indie teens of tumblr

Sarah: YEP

Sarah: SAW IT FIRSTHAND

Erika: oh god it’s back on

Erika: fake maxxie, faxxie, is bringing baby humphs back to her…crack den?

Erika: for dancing

Erika: OMG

Erika: WHAT THE FUCK

Erika: IS HAPPENING

Sarah: I don’t even understand where that place is, how she has it, what the hell, can’t even.

Sarah: Missed this piece of real estate in her life completely.

Erika: WHY ARE THEY DANCING LIKE THIS?

Sarah: It’s a CONTEST

Erika: FOOTLOOSE MEETS ROOTS MEETS DIRTY DANCING MEETS A SEX AND THE CITY MONTAGE

Sarah: Fucking apparently

Sarah: BUT SET TO A NEGRO SPIRITUAL!!

Erika: british skins would have NEVER been this cheesy and they did an episode devoted to a MUSICAL PLAY

Sarah: I just honestly can’t get over the song choice

Sarah: White people fucking to negro spirituals

Sarah: which is incidentally the title of my memoir.

Erika: perfect

Sarah: LIKE REALLY!

Sarah: I’m fucking Aryan and can’t get over such egregious song choice

Erika: LAUGHING AND FUCKING TO JAZZY NEGRO SPIRITUALS

Erika: the next post for ‘stuff white people like’

Sarah: “Nailed it”

Sarah: –Skins staff on American teenage culture

Erika: ‘Nealed Et’

— bryan eisley

Sarah: I read that aloud in my head and it sounds very Australian.

Erika: i know, i just realized that

Erika: OMG

Erika: revelation

Sarah: Yes’m?

Erika: faxxie looks like selena gomez with shorter hair

Erika: FAXXIE GOMEZ

Sarah: I can see that!

Sarah: Smaller lips.

Erika: she was probably a body double for ‘princess boot camp’ or whatever that movie was called when they cast her

Sarah: CADET KELLY!

Sarah: #Disney generation gap

Sarah: #even though you are a couple of months older than me

Erika: OH HEY NANS CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR BED TONIGHT AND MASTURBATE NEXT TO YOU CAN YOU GET A PICTURE OF A HEPZ IN HERE FOR ME?

Erika: also: dude i loved cadet kelly

Sarah: I KNOW RIGHT???

Erika: i was thinking of princess protection program

Sarah: That is a sassy title!

Erika: selena gomez and demi lovato

Sarah: The same person

Erika: nonsense ensues

Erika: disney hijinks

Erika: someone prissy falls in mud

Sarah: OF COURSE!

Erika: ARE THEY REALLY DISCUSSING THE HOLOCAUST RIGHT NOW

Sarah: I KNOW.

Sarah: It’s like Chekhov said: if there’s an old Jewish woman of Eastern European origin introduced in the first act, she will talk about the Holocaust by the third.

Erika: a time-tested precedent

Erika: i feel like the MTV people are just running a free for all till this show gets cancelled

Erika: ‘WHERE HAVEN’T WE BEEN? I NEED TO KNOW SO WE CAN GO THERE’

Sarah: But I thought Degrassi already went THERE

Erika: ‘it’s nice to be jumped like that once in awhile’ – fake michelle, with the rape sex fantasy

Erika: the only thing believeable about this whole episode is that there would be a mafia in bmore

Erika: ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES, THAT CITY

Sarah: Come to think of it? YES.

Sarah: That is actually believable.

Sarah: Though you wouldn’t think it!

Sarah: Kudos for the foresight, Skins!

Erika: very wise of you skins

Erika: AGAIN? WITH THE WADE IN THE WATER SONG?

Sarah: I KNOW

Erika: let’s just gentrify everything!

Sarah: WHITE PEOPLE!!!

Sarah: “This song symbolizes my problems with contemplating my sexuality.”

Sarah: “No it doesn’t.” –all black people

Next week: “Chris”. Skins airs Mondays on MTV at 10/9 ET/CT.

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